After her begrudging dressing down, Mary Swearington led us into an open office layout, with low-walled cubicles lining the sides of the room in orderly rows. The room was as quiet as the day the last employee left to find their families before the world turned ravenous, the wailing of the revenants outside barely audible above the high pitch of monitors and computers whining in my ears…a sound I didn’t know I missed.
“This building still has electricity,” I said, to no one in particular.
“What are you still doing here?” Sam asked Mary. “Are you here alone?”
She pointed to her name tag. “In case you can’t read, I’m Miss Mary, the de facto CEO of this building…assigned by Jesus this very week.”
“Jesus? Is that your boss?”
“I’m talking about my messiah and savior, Jesus Christ, jackass.”
“Does Jesus know you talk like that?” I heard Sue ask under her breath, where Mary couldn’t hear.
“CEO?” Tarah said. “It looks like you just clean the place.”
Mary’s eyes narrowed. “Nothin’ gettin’ by you folks. Sharp as shit…I can tell. Could’ve fooled me, though…I’d suspect you folks are smarter than the average bear, except for the fact that you’re running around out there like the graveyard didn’t tip upside down and shake the living dead onto the street like pennies from heaven.”
“We’re just passing through, but it looks like you’re stuck here.”
“Shit, I’m not stuck…just stranded…temporarily.” Her back straightened. “I’m just waitin’ for my ride. My son’s coming to get me.”
Concern grew with every word. What was this lady doing in the middle of this nightmare? She was thin as a sheet of paper, as old as one of Moses’ stone tablets, and walked with a struggle as though she was half a revenant herself. Sure, she’d gotten herself this far and had also gotten us out of the jam we’d been in outside with the revs, but if she stepped foot out of the building on her own, she’d soon be a goner. Her best bet for survival would be someone finding her…and I guess that someone was the four of us.
“When’s your son supposed to be here, ma’am?” Sam asked.
“Oh, I’ve been waitin’ awhile…since before the phones died and the army rolled through. By that time, I knew they weren’t here for a parade and it was too late for me to leave with nothin’ but my wits about me.”
“The National Guard? Why didn’t you go with them?”
“Because it wasn’t lookin’ like they were taking anyone with them.”
Sam scoffed. “You didn’t even try? Did you show yourself?”
Mary seized his gaze with angry eyes. “Son, while I was upstairs looking down at them all nice and peaceful like, they were running for their lives.”
“So what happened?” I asked.
“Well, things quieted down out there and I waited for those assholes in the parking garage to wander away, but you fools brought ‘em all over here instead…forcing me to use up all the 4th of July firecrackers I found in a closet gettin’ your asses in here…standin’ on top of that truck like castaways on Fuckup Island.” She threw her hands up. “What am I supposed to distract them with when Jimmy gets here? My devastating good looks?”
“It’s as bad as I thought,” I said, turning to Sam. “She’s been here almost a week already.” Then, whispering: “Who’s gonna tell her Jimmy’s not coming to pick her up?”
“No one,” Tarah responded. “We stay as her guests and keep on her good side.”
“And then what? We go on our merry way and leave her here?”
I spotted a single-cup coffee machine sitting on a counter along a wall and moved there to set up a cup of Kona. “Anyone want coffee?”
“Hey, jerkoff,” said Mary, “this ain’t your house. You think you can just come in here and make yourself a cup o’ joe?”
“Can I use the bathroom, at least?” Sue Spirit asked. “I don’t want coffee.”
Mary scowled. “Ladies’ room’s over there…around the corner by the elevators. Don’t try nothin’ foolish. Who knows what you’re coverin’ up under all those blankets you’re wearing.”
“She’s allergic to the sun,” said Sam. “She has to stay covered.”
“And I’m allergic to bullshit. There’s no sun in here.” Sue defiantly adjusted her cloak to reveal her head to Mary, as though trying to prove her wrong. But it was no use trying to explain further, so no one bothered to, remaining quiet as Sue left the room with Tarah, leaving Sam and me to fend for ourselves with Mary.
“I bet it was one of them who screamed and stirred up the whole neighborhood. I heard a woman yell out there.”
“Yeah, it’s scary out there,” Sam said, once again coming to Sue’s defense.
“Well, if it’s so scary, y’all shouldn’t be walking around like you’re trick or treatin’. Where are you headed, anyway?”
“South,” I answered. “To Bridgeport.”
“Bridgeport? Are you escapees from the loony bin? There’s nothin’ Bridgeport-way but death and destruction. Shit, I may be stuck here right now, as you say, but I do know a thing or two about current events.” She gestured to the window, where we could see a loose pack of revenants still loitering where she’d thrown the firecrackers earlier. “You see that? Multiply that crowd by a million and you’ve got Bridgeport. Is that something you tryin’ to get yourself into?”
“We’re not going there to sight-see,” I said. “I’m trying to find the only family I got.”
With that news, she lightened her tone a little. “Well. Then maybe you’ll be luckier than Johnny and find ‘em quick. I suppose y’all can have some coffee and stay a while. It’s not like I’m gettin’ fired for letting people in here. My boss is long gone…I know I’d be.”
“You don’t need a boss,” said Sam. “You’re the CEO. Remember?”
Mary almost smiled but then thought better of it.
We left Mary in the office where she’d set up her modest living area and checked around the other offices for anything useful. The only locked doors were to office supply closets and after smashing one door open, we discovered they didn’t contain much unless your survival scenario required a lot of note-taking, document-flagging, and file organization. However, we uncovered an ancient first aid kit from the time when metal still ruled over plastic, with its tapered edges lined with specks of light brown rust.
“Don’t touch the edges,” I told Sam. “You might get tetanus.”
Sam emptied the case and we split up its contents for our bags. We were slowly re-acquiring some of the supplies we’d lost with Chuck’s truck, though we weren’t coming across much food.
“Not that I’m complaining about finding first aid supplies,” Sam said, “but it’d be nice to find some bullets, too.”
“Were you expecting to find bullets while bashing our way into this closet?”
“You never know.”
“Yeah, sometimes you do know…like when the sign says ‘Office Supplies’ and not ‘Gun Closet.’”
Sam walked up to the wall and took down a laminated map of state highways, rolling it up to fit nicely in the bottle holder of his backpack. I declared the map the Find of the Day at that point.
We came across a few vending machines in a first-floor break room but their empty rows suggested Mary had been using them—probably as her sole food source—and a pile of loose change on the nearby counter attested that she nobly continued to pump coins into the machine instead of busting through the machine’s window and cleaning it out, like I’d be doing.
We left the machines undisturbed, returning to the rest of the group to set up camp in the HR office where Mary had requested…near her claimed area in Accounting, but far enough for a little privacy in an open floor plan.
After sunset, we were eating a late dinner together when the lights above gave us the wrong attention, turning on spontaneously, growing the group of revenants outside as though we were parading before them like sex workers in a red-light district. And the revenants weren’t too happy about it.
“Do you think they can break through the glass?” Sue Spirit asked.
“They haven’t so far,” said Mary, shrugging. “These bright-ass lights kick on whenever I move, like the light of God.”
I looked at the upper corners of the office, checking for motion sensors, and found a couple of white boxes pointing their blank faces down office aisles. “You know this building better than anyone, Mary. You haven’t seen where they can be turned off? There has to be a control panel somewhere.”
“No, I just know about the sensors. Fuckin’ things.”
“There might be something in that first closet,” said Sam, pointing to a door nearby. “When I saw it, I thought it was the panel for the sprinkler system, but maybe it’s for the lights. I didn’t look that close because I wasn’t lookin’ for it.”
At the closet entrance, I found a light panel on the left wall. Skimming the labels, I found one that read “Manual Override” above an “On/Off” switch and the outline of a light bulb. I turned the switch to the left and a blanket of darkness was thrown over the office, the only illumination then coming from the red glow of the emergency exit signs. Almost immediately, the pounding at the windows stopped as our exhibition grew dark and the revenants examined their reflections or wandered off to the next distraction.
We split up cans of food between us for a little variety and warmed them in plastic bowls from the break room.
“We’ll head out first thing in the morning,” said Sam. “Mary, I’d invite you to come along, but I have the feeling that the only way you’d leave is kicking and screaming.”
Mary scraped the remaining fruit from her can with a plastic spoon. “I’ll be leaving soon enough…as soon as Jimmy gets here. I’m gonna tear into him for leaving me so long. Kids these days…not respectful of shit. Always need to learn the hard way…with a boot to the ass.”
“Seriously, though. Why don’t you come with us so we can get you somewhere safe? You don’t need us to tell you how nasty it is out there. You’re pretty feisty, but even you’d have a tough time on your own.”
“I’ll make do, son. I know where you’re goin’ and there’s nothin’ safe that way.”
There’d be no changing her mind, but I also wasn’t going to cajole an old lady into coming with us into the pit Bridgeport would be. She likely also realized, but refused to acknowledge, that her son Jimmy was probably not coming. We were all in some kind of denial, as there I was, on a similar mission, with no guarantee that my own family was alive. I wasn’t about to lecture anyone about their personal follies.
After dinner, I got nosy and wandered around the building. Part of me was looking for a few minutes of solitude, but then once solitude set in with deafening silence, I realized a bigger part of me was hoping to find some drugs. I moved around, randomly rummaging through desks and cabinets around the office, fingers tracing every drawer edge for a stray pill as though they were white-gloved and checking for dust. After about fifteen minutes, I found something inside a second-floor desk: a couple of bars of Phandrax—a tranquilizer for anxiety—tumbling around each other at the bottom of a lonely bottle like drunken dancers. They were a worker’s emergency stash, and now it was mine. I popped half a bar of the newfound loot down my throat dry and turned back toward the stairwell, where Sam was standing in the doorway, watching.
“Anything good?” he asked.
“A couple relaxers. Nothing special.”
“Ah, yes. The apocalypse has been very stressful. Take a load off while smack-dab in the middle of it…kick up your feet and melt those worries away while death rains all around you.”
“Is this a guilt trip?”
“I don’t know…is it? Do you feel any guilt? People are helping you get across half the state to find your brother while you’re whacked out on drugs…all the while hallucinating while withdrawing from another drug. It seems…I don’t know…unwise. Inconsiderate, even.”
“For Christ’s sake, Sam. Do you think a lecture is helpful right now? If you needed a crutch right now, I wouldn’t be all over your ass about it.”
“I don’t know, Neil. How much help do you need? Should I build some kind of sled so we can pull you to Bridgeport while you’re nodded off on drugs? Then we can do all the work for you…because after all, it’s all about you, isn’t it?” He turned and walked back down the stairs.
It was too soon for the pill I’d just swallowed to numb that sting. “Come on, Sam,” I called after him. “You’re being ridiculous.”
I admit I felt some guilt, as though I’d broken a promise to someone, though I didn’t know sobriety was a condition of travel. I didn’t feel I had anything to hide; the “rules were gone” but the habits remained. I wasn’t escaping to the point I was locked to a couch…I was making an effort and just softening the edges. I didn’t think our predilections were serious enough to be deal-breakers. Sam had known me for way too long for that. I expected him to react as he always had…enabling me, despite his disappointment. When that didn’t come, it felt like he’d turned down a different road.
I waited a few minutes before following Sam down to the ground floor, returning to the office where I’d laid out a sleeping bag. With the help of the Phandrax, I disassociated and drifted off to the steady buzzing of the emergency lights. This wasn’t me…the pitiful addict nodding out on the floor, barely aware of the carpet covering the hard ground that was a step above jail cell comfort, barely noticing that Sam and Sue Spirit had repacked their belongings and moved to another office. I was barely there because I was barely me. I was looking for my brother because I was lost without him.
***
I woke up just as the sun was rising, the tinted windows mercifully providing some shade, distorting the hour. Tarah stirred in the cubicle across the aisle where she’d curled up under a desk, head resting on a backpack, her dagger on the carpet like a deadly doorstop. Sleeping near her took some getting used to. She kept one eye open when she slept, but when she really fell asleep, she tossed around as though trying to run from a nightmare. I didn’t watch her sleep for long, since I wasn’t a fucking creep, but I tried to fall asleep before she did, which was easy because I knew Tarah was still alert…still guarding us.
I stood up with some effort, legs and back stiff from hours on hard ground. I bent over to touch my toes but couldn’t get there. Then I stretched upwards, hands held high to the ceiling tiles, before walking across the hall, where surprisingly, I found Mary, Sam, and Sue with their bags packed and ready to go.
I’d hoped we’d soon forget the little tiff from the night before, that we would go about our usual business and chalk the dispute up to fatigue. Denial also seemed to work the best.
“Morning,” I said, with a half-yawn. I looked at Mary, who didn’t have much to pack other than her giant leather purse. “Looks like you decided to come with us after all. That’s great.”
Sam and Sue Spirit looked away like I’d just dropped my pants.
Tarah appeared in the doorway behind me. “Geez, would you give us a chance to get moving? We just woke up.”
Sam handed me a bag, business-like. “There’s your half of the supplies. There’s been a change of plans. Mary changed the situation a little. We’re going to head in a different direction and get Sue and Mary to safety.”
His meaning didn’t register with my fried brain cells. “OK. Let me get my things together. What’s the rush?”
Silence met my words and a surreal feeling came upon me, as though I was on the outside looking in…a spectator. The Aggrodol withdrawal, combined with the Phandrax glow, was making disassociation a breeze. “Sam, what are you talking about? We’re too close to stop now. We’re in the ‘burbs…we’ll be downtown by tonight at the latest.”
“We’re not asking you to come with us. We’re just not coming with you. I’m taking them to Camp Jackson.”
“What do you mean? Look, I know we can’t leave Mary here, but we can’t make her come with us, either. What are we supposed to do?”
“Exactly what I’m going to…take her to Camp Jackson.”
I threw up my hands. “All right…just a slight change of plans, like you said. We’ll go to Camp Jackson and then head to Bridgeport. How long could that take? An extra day or two…tops?”
“You wouldn’t do that. You’d be miserable every second you’re not looking for Sticks and you know it.”
He was right.
Sam glanced at Sue, who was distractedly rummaging through her bag. When she noticed all eyes on her, she stopped while still forearm-deep in the bag and said, “We decided last night.”
“She used the ball,” said Sam.
“The ball? The crystal ball?”
Sue Spirit refused to meet my gaze. “No, the Magic 8-Ball. The one you gave me.”
“Is this Crazytown?” I asked, incredulous. “What did you ask it?”
“If we should take Mary to Camp Jackson.”
“And what was the answer?”
“As I see it, yes.”
I was confounded, my eyes darting as I searched for the right words.
“You said it saved your life once,” said Sue. “I don’t see why it meant so much then, but not when it gives an answer you don’t like. Maybe it’s saving hers.”
“I don’t care so much about the answer,” I said, looking at Sam, “only that you felt you needed to ask the question.”
“After a night’s sleep,” said Sam, “it all made sense.”
I turned to Tarah: “Did you know about this?”
She shook her head.
“Are you going with them, too?”
Tarah looked at the trio in the dingy red glow of an emergency exit sign, the sun struggling to rise on the darker new world outside.
“We could use your aim out there,” said Sam. “Maybe not so much your sass-“
Sue gave her elbow to his ribs to shut him up.
“If Tarah goes with you, then I’m on my own out here? I’d have to go with you just to stay alive and then we’re back to Square One.”
“Look at these two, Neil,” said Sam. “An old lady and someone allergic to sunlight. They don’t belong out here. And you can’t expect to drag their asses through a hell like Bridgeport before getting them somewhere safe.”
I sighed, shaking my head, still not quite within the bounds of reality. “This is some crazy shit.”
The three picked up their bags and prepared to set off into the dawn while my mouth hung open like a drooling yokel. “This can’t be happening. How long have we known each other, Sam?”
“Look, this ain’t the end of the world…well, maybe it is, in a sense. But do what you gotta do and meet up with us at Camp Jackson. If you can.”
“Well, if they’re trying to organize there, they could definitely use someone like you.”
I looked at Tarah. “Maybe you understand or maybe you don’t, but my brother and I are all the family we have. I have to keep going south. I can’t blame you if you want to head with them or go your own way, or whatever you want to do. Thanking you for all your help up to this point is the best I can do right now.”
Tarah, the shiners around her eyes from Merle’s rifle butt fading to a healing yellow, thought a moment. She smiled. “I couldn’t leave you on your own. Who would I use as a human shield?”
And then we split up. Just like that.
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